Is My Partner Using Drugs? – Signs to Look For

Substance use can put a serious strain on a romantic relationship or marriage. That’s especially true if your partner is using drugs and trying to keep it a secret. Not only are you worried for their safety, but your trust has been violated.  

This Eternal Purpose article is about how to tell when your partner may be using drugs and what to do next.

Signs That Your Partner Is Using Drugs

We’ll preface this section with a reminder that the only way to know for certain that your husband, wife, or romantic partner is using drugs is to actually witness it, see the results of a drug test, or for them to confess. With that out of the way — here are some signs and red flags that may indicate your partner is using drugs and needs help.  

The lists below are meant to help you decide what to do next or breakthrough possible denial — you should not use these bullet lists alone as a reason to confront your loved one without thinking things through, however. Read the whole article and give careful thought to how you proceed. 

Physical Signs of Drug Use

• Poor coordination
• Bloodshot or glazed eyes
• Dilated or constricted pupils
• Unexplained weight loss/gain
• Bruises, infections, or abscesses at injection sites
• Sudden neglect of personal appearance and hygiene
• Nosebleeds (a potential sign of snorted drugs)
• Unusual smells on breath, body, or clothing
• Seizures without a history of epilepsy
• Shakes, tremors, or slurred speech
• Chronic cough or bronchitis
• Frequent vomiting

Psychological and Behavioral Signs of Drug Use

• Paranoia or heightened anxiety 
• Unexplained change in appetite 
• Sudden, unusually secretiveness
• Dramatic changes in sleep patterns
• Uncharacteristic anger or volatile behavior
• Unusual hyperactivity, talkativeness, or agitation
• Unexplained spending, missing money or valuables
• Losing interest in activities/things they used to enjoy
• Unexplained disappearances or missing time 
• Lack of motivation that’s out of character
• Memory problems or impaired thinking
• Unusual tiredness or hyperactivity

Some Things To Remember

There may be innocent explanations for some of the things listed above. For example, depression can also cause someone to sleep more than usual and lose interest in things they once loved. Anxiety can seem to present as paranoia. Use your best judgment. The key is finding the balance between not ‘jumping the gun’ and assuming the worst — but also not allowing yourself to be in denial if your spouse or partner is in trouble. 

If you’re struggling with that, it could be that you’re too close to see the situation objectively. Talk to a friend, loved one, or person you can trust not to reveal your suspicions to anyone else. Tell this person what you’ve observed. Stick to the facts and leave your opinions and assumptions out of it. See what they say. 

Remember:

• Be ready for legitimate explanations for some things, but avoid denial. 
• Don’t react suddenly or act out based on strong emotions. Pause. Breathe.
• Share your observations with someone you trust to keep a secret.
• Ask for another person’s opinion, and try to maintain your objectivity. 

If It Looks Like Your Partner Is Using Drugs or Alcohol

If, after careful thought and maybe a discussion with a trusted confidant, you decide it seems like your partner may be using drugs or addicted — you’ll want to consider your next move carefully. Depending on your personality, you might feel tempted to wallow in denial, pretend it isn’t happening, and hope it will resolve itself. Or, you might be fired up and angry and itching for a messy confrontation. Resist the temptation to act in either of these ways. 

Neither one of those things will help. In fact, they are likely to make the situation worse, not better. Believe that. 

This does not mean there’s nothing you can do though. It simply means you want to take a smart and measured approach here. Decide what your goal is. What do you want to happen here? More than likely, you want your partner to admit they’re getting high and for them to ask for help or accept it when you offer. That’s great. Keep that goal in the front of your mind. Remember that you want every action you take to get you closer to achieving your goal. This means relying on logic to make decisions for you, not emotion. 

Having “The Talk” About Drugs With The One You Love

If it looks like your worst suspicions may be true, you owe it to yourself and your relationship to speak to your partner about their possible drug use. But, it is important to keep your goal of getting them to be honest and accept help, if they need it, in mind. Do not angrily confront them and accuse them of anything. That’s about the worst thing you can do, aside from ignoring red flags.

Keep Your Eyes On The Prize and Keep Your Cool 

More than likely, they will get defensive, shut down and deny everything. What you need most is to keep the channels of communication open. So, even if you’re afraid, even if you’re angry — approach the situation with love and understanding. This does not mean forgiving every (or any) transgression. It simply means you’re going to table any anger or fear for now because it is the most constructive way to behave.

Find Comfort and Establish Trust

Get your partner somewhere they will feel comfortable. Ideally “neutral” ground and choose a time when you’re unlikely to be interrupted, say in the evening after dinner. Tell them you love them and you want to talk to them about something. Remind them that they can trust you and that you only want what is best for them. You might even ask them that: “You know I want what’s best for you, right?” 

Withhold Judgment, But Be as Direct as Necessary 

Remind them that they can tell you anything and that you are never going to judge them unfairly. Give them every opportunity to come clean and tell you what they’ve been doing. If they “play dumb” like they don’t know what you’re concerned about, then spell it out for them, i.e. you’re sleeping all the time now, there’s missing money, where were you all night?

Let Them Speak

This is important. Emotions will be high, you’ll have a lot you want to say. If they deny it all at first, you may feel angry. Let your feelings happen, but don’t let them speak for you or make decisions. Make sure your partner feels heard. Let them see you listening to them, even if you think they aren’t being entirely honest. A conversation involves listening and hearing, not just talking. 

Getting Help For Addiction at Eternal Purpose Recovery 

If it turns out your wife, husband or partner is struggling with addiction, Eternal Purpose Recovery is ready to help. Feel free to talk to us before you approach your partner about drug or alcohol use. We can provide some advice for a more productive conversation. We can also advise you on addiction intervention, should it become necessary.  

Don’t forget that your goal is for them to open up, be honest and accept help. The best way to do that is to speak from a place of love and concern. Make sure your partner feels heard, not just “talked to”.  The goal is for your partner to realize that accepting help is the only sensible choice. Remember that may not happen in the first conversation, but don’t give up! 

If you would like to learn more about drug and alcohol treatment at Eternal Purpose Recovery in California or you have questions about dual-diagnosis treatment, please reach out to us at 

1-888-294-5153